the unfortunate likeness of kitchen utensils

conversation after dinner

me: I don’t like to be reminded that I’m eating a dead animal. 
Joseph: Aside from Ted Nugent, I don’t think anyone wants to be reminded that they’re eating a dead animal. 
me: Well, I’d like to know how you would feel about it if you were the one touching it while it’s still a dead animal and not food yet. 
Joseph: Excuse me. I was the one rolling that chicken flat with your dildo.

conversation after conversation while trying to record conversation for posterity

me: My phone just autocorrected Nugent to bugbear.
Joseph: And why not.